Okay it’s well over 2 months since my 1st blog (hey, I warned you I am an eternal procrastinator). But I’m sure you are all chomping at the bit to hear the progress… Don’t ruin my fantasy if you weren’t!
Truth be told I fell off the wagon – in more ways than one.
This whole Fitness competition training has started to get to me. Who knew eating so healthy could make you so cranky. Don’t believe those people that tell you otherwise – it’s all a part of their brainwashing scam. I swear the day after this competition (July 17th) I am sinking my teeth into a pound of Brie and downing a vat of wine. I actually have this fantasy of eating the way Friar Tuck does on “Rocket Robin Hood” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebsSyfHaIRY&feature=related) - a little throwback to my fellow Cannucks.
Yup that’ll be me. Totally defeating the whole purpose of doing this fitness competition in the first place. But damn it, I’m cranky and all Mama really wants right now is a bag of Doritos and that amazing banana chocolate chip loaf that keeps crying out to me all the way from the counter at the coffee shop where I sit and write this. Instead I have a cup of coffee (3/4 decaf ¼ caf) and feel guilty cuz I added milk to it.
But I digress. I will get you up to speed with what’s been transpiring on both the bucket list and this whole fitness competition training (which sounds way more glamorous than it is). If I really thought this through before I paid for the competition I don’t think I would’ve done it. I haven’t worn a bikini in 3 years and for some bizarre reason I paid to stand up on stage in front of hundreds of people in one?! Not to mention standing next to women who for them, fitness modeling is their life. Umm, anyone offering free lobotomies?
All right, back to the updates:
The night before my first personal training session with Trainer Nick (for those of you in LA looking for a good ass whooping you can check him out at www.nickfitpro.com) I kinda felt like this was my last time to indulge. The final time I will be able to enjoy the foods I do so much till July 17th. And like a good person in training would - I consumed everything in my fridge that I knew I’d no longer be able to touch for the next 3 months. It was my “Last Supper” if you will….and desert….and cocktail.
Seriously there has got to be some kind of chemical imbalance in my brain!
I knew that eating the entire block of cheese in the fridge along with the half bar of Ritter dark chocolate with hazelnuts and the bag of pita chips with the tub of roasted red pepper humus and the remaining half bottle of wine was not the “healthiest” of ideas before my 7am training…but so what! Don’t judge me. We all have our ways of saying “goodbye” to the things we love….and I clearly needed my alone time with my food.
So yes, I was on the verge of vomiting from the indulgence (not to mention a bit drunk off the now empty bottle of wine – which I went to bed cuddling) but at least I got my goodbye.
I was on a mission to start fresh. Tomorrow the new me (or Numi as y’all call me) would emerge. Determined to eat clean, be strong, focused on a contest training diet.
What part of my brain thought this was going to be a fun challenge?? And why didn’t any of you stop me before I committed. You clearly must relish in seeing me suffer you sick, sick bastards.
For those of you that know me, food is my lover, my champion, my friend, my cheerleader and my drug of choice. And for this candy loving, cheese indulging, sweet potato fry loving girl….diets just never work. As seen when I returned back to Toronto from LA and completely fell off the wagon.
3 weeks later, though Mama’s getting back on (I write this after binging on candied nuts…which I am now realizing give me really bad gas) and man it’s harder once you’ve fallen. But one look at the pictures of these fitness competitors is enough to light a fire under my ass (which is now easier to do thanks to the gas).
And with only 7 weeks left to go (remind me again why I chose this as my launch of My 40 Things Before 40?) I don’t have a choice. Unless of course the choice is to go up there and make a complete ass of myself….which is still a possibility at this stage.
Along with this temporary phase of fitness insanity I also signed up to play beach volleyball (remember #10 on the 1st list: “Play a Team Sport”). Yup, miss “no hand-eye-coordination-no-depth-perception” bit the bullet and will officially start playing in July.
Knowing what a klutz I am by nature I also signed up for a beach volleyball skills clinic. Especially since the last time I ever played the sport (I use the term “played” loosely as anyone who saw me can attest that “playing” the sport was the last thing I did) all I kept doing was running away from the ball yelling “Yours!” instead of what your supposed to do - like hit the freaking thing and call “Mine!” So stay tuned for the black eyes and broken nose stories to come. Can you wear a caged mask on the volleyball court?
Now back to the Bucket List.
Re assessing my 16 out of 40 things I want to do before 40 I started to panic a little. In a state of “gung ho” energy I happily wrote away imagining all the fun things I can accomplish, not really thinking them all through clearly – you can see this is a pattern in my life. So in an attempt to actually be able to get through this list I’ve come up with more things to do before I am 40 that might be easier to tackle.
So below are my 11 more things to do before 40 - bringing my bucket list up 27 so far.
- Take a pottery class - I’ve always wanted to recreate that scene from the movie “Ghost”, but the only way I’d be able to drag my husband to a class where there was mud and molding would be if it came with ring and women in bikinis wrestling in it. So solo it will be.
- Bungee jump – something about being thrown off a bridge with nothing but an elastic band holding you by the feet is a bit titillating…or stupid. But hey you only live once – and if things go wrong at least I went out on a bang….or in this case a bounce.
- Get my motorcycle license – cuz deep down inside I secretly want to be a Bad Ass Biker Mama.
- Learn to ride a bicycle again. You know that whole saying, it’s like riding a bike, you never forget. Guess who did? Plus I figured it’s probably a good idea to be able to balance a 10 speed before I tackle balancing a motorcycle.
- Get a tattoo – part of the whole “Bad Ass Biker Mama” fantasy.
- Play a song on the guitar – Remember what it was like to sit around a campfire with all the cool kids from high school and watch the popular boy serenade you on his guitar? Ya, me neither. But shit, at this point I am struggling to find things to add to my list - so play a song on the guitar it is.
- Learn to play the guitar – would help with # 22.
- Write a short story or a short film (I never said a “good” short story or script – just writing the freaking thing).
- Roam around the city for a day with my camera and take as many random pictures as I can. I’m more of a capture-everyday-people kind of photographer…so depending on what neighborhoods I roam in, I may end up with a few bruises…or in the river with bricks tied to my feet. But hey, nothing ventured nothing gained.
- Try to get “My 40 Things Before 40” published somewhere – I’m not picky. Hell, even the back of a bathroom stall is fine with me. Think of it as my contribution to your potty time. Anyone got leads - Mama's got the goods
- Somehow get my way on to a float for the Pride Parade (thanks Kathy for that one). Plus with my morning transvestite voice I got going on I should be a shoe in. Those of you with Pride connections - holler back.
All right back to fantasizing about blocks of cheese, vats of wine and boxes of pizza I go…(sigh) 7 more weeks!
Stay tuned for more torture updates.
