It’s been more than 2 weeks after the Half Marathon and my feet still aren’t talking to me.
Who ever thought running 21.5 km would actually be something good for you? Never mind those crack jobs who run a full marathon at 42km. I know I know – I’m one of those who put it on my bucket list and am now kicking myself in my ass (which since post fitness competition as been rapidly growing). Seriously – is it considered a cop out if I end it at having done 2 halves? They do add up to a whole… Don’t answer that.
Heading down to the course on race day, I was silently placing voodoo spells on my girlfriends for making me do this with them “in the spirit of fun!” Ain’t nothing fun about lugging my hairy brown butt out of bed at 530am for a 730 start time. At this time I’d just like to point out to any of you race organizers reading this – starting that early on a Sunday morning is just plain mean. Don’t you realize I am barely coherent at that hour let alone ready to run 21.5km?
By the time we got downtown to the course I have to admit I started to get caught up in the excitement (22,000 people all lined up and raring to go will do that to ya). And when the gun fired and we all took off I actually felt exhilarated – running along with them all, cheering, clapping my hands, feeling like an Olympic athlete. I mean, come on – how hard can it be if this many people signed up to do it?
But like the walking contradiction that I am, half an hour into the run I really started to question why the hell people do this? Really, how is pounding your body on pavement for over 2 hours STRAIGHT considered fun? Or good for you for that matter. My body was already cursing me at the 5 km mark (maybe it was karma from cursing my girlfriends earlier in the day). And I still had another 16.5km to go. At this point I was truly regretting putting a Full Marathon on my bucket list and seriously considered consolidating my 2 halves to fulfill that item.
I will say that one good thing about these races, aside from the free water and Gatorade they hand out (for an Indian, free food and drinks are really the only reason we do anything) is that they have people called “Pace Bunnies” set up all over the course for you to follow. They’re supposed to keep you on track with the pace time you set out for yourself pre marathon. This would’ve been a great idea if our freaking Bunny actually kept the pace! Dude was like the Energizer Rabbit hopped up on Speed. There’s no way in hell he was keeping our pace time. And at some point we got so far behind Thumper, he was nothing but a set of floppy ears in the distance.
We now had to resort to relying on our senses (and the angle of the sun) to tell us our time and pace - cuz the avid runner that I am (not) forgot to where a watch on race day.
At 1 hour into it I was thoroughly bored and through with running. I’m like a kid with A.D.D that way. I need constant stimulation and entertainment. And aside from the few musical bands scattered across the route – running on the flat pavement of the Lakeshore started to get redundant.
But by the time I saw the 19km flag, something happened. Some kind of internal switch flicked on and out of nowhere my feet started flying! Seriously. I had no control over them. They clearly detached themselves from my body and continued sprinting down the end of the race route. As my feet took off, I started to envision that finale from “Chariots of Fire” and that cheesy theme song kept playing in my head (not the most motivating to run to I’ll admit but my brain was also doing it’s own thing). I started to picture the crowd going wild as I neared the end, all the people who would be cheering me on at the finish line, there to greet me, hoist me up on their shoulders and jump up and down in slow motion as we celebrated my victory.
Sadly – none of that happened. I crossed the finish line by myself, did a lame half-assed jump (harder to do in slow motion – not to mention I looked like a total tool doing it alone) and then waited for my friends to cross.
But for all the pain and crankiness I had during the run – I have to say I felt pretty damn good afterwards. Another accomplishment. And the bonus – I beat my old time and shaved off more than 9 minutes from my last half marathon. Completed in 2:13:45.
Waiting for us beyond the finish line were tables of bagels, cookies, fruit and water bottles for us to refuel our bodies. And like the good Indian that I am, I made sure to stock my bag full of groceries for the week (I told you my peoples only do things for food). My mom, taught me well.
I’d like to say that I have continued and kept up with the running, but as you can guess from my last entry I’m kind of a one trick pony. Try things through and then leave it all behind. I sit here eating a bag of Twizzlers as I type this. Sigh….memories of my training diet are long gone…as is that body.
But another thing knocked off (sort of).
Next up: Applying to the Marilyn Denis Show as an “on-air contributor”. It’s totally on a lark – but hey nothing ventured, nothing gained. More updates to follow.
This guy won the full marathon in 2:07:57 (kinda puts a damper on my half time)
Post lame half-ass slow motion jump
What you can't see is that I am hiding my bag of free food under the foil wrap
