Is it possible to physically feel your ass grow?
Seriously. I think I just felt it in my sleep last night. And no, it wasn’t my gas.
It’s like all the Halloween candy I had last month (and this one) finally decided it was going to plop it self into my butt (the right cheek to be specific).
I know some of you seem to think that since I came 5th in that ridiculous fitness competition I must be staying on track and keeping healthy and eating clean (ah, the fantasies). Like I said last blog, I am kind of a one trick pony. I would like to say that post competition I had an epiphany or an awakening of sorts that led me to this fabulous fit lifestyle. But as you guessed – it didn’t last long. I’m back to my old ways – actually I think I am worse. I am eating shit I used to totally stay clear from pre training. Like devouring a large bag of Ruffles chips and a glass of wine (or 3) at midnight…for no reason (other than I am a complete glutton with no self-control when it comes to food… or shoes).
As a result I have started to seek other ways to shake off the chunks I gained post training. Insert: “Dieter’s Tea” here.
Yup, I will admit, I have hit the bottom of the barrel and am now looking at teas to do the trick for me.
I should clarify for any of you readers contemplating the product, that by “Dieter’s Tea” – they really mean, “You will shit your intestines out the next day and of course only when there are absolutely no bathrooms around”. I’m telling you my ass hurt more from clenching my butt cheeks so tight to prevent Mount Vesuvius exploding than from all the training I did for the fitness competition.
Anyone with camera footage from the Shoppers Drugmart on Keele street last week will get first hand experience of me waddling down the shampoo aisle desperately trying not to spread my legs too wide while walking in hopes of avoiding a “cleanup in aisle 6”.
So I am thinking it’s time I add some more “athletic” things to my bucket list as it seems to be the only thing that actually holds me accountable to staying in shape. Funny that.
I may regret putting this down later on (who am I kidding – I know I will - but fuck it, I’m up for making an ass of myself all in the name of vanity). So with that said.
#31 = Get inside the boxing ring and actually spar.
Crap! As I write this I am already regretting it. Sigh…Good bye nose I paid so much for.
Sure I’ve been taking boxing classes on and off for the past 4 years but it’s a little different then getting in the ring with someone. For one thing the bag never hits you back. The bag is more like a good friend – you know the kind who allows you to take out your frustrations on them, use them as…well, a punching bag and always stand (or in this case swing) by your side. So to actually get into a ring where the likelihood of my punches landing are nil and the chances of someone hitting me back are high, is a bit nauseating. No cancel that – completely nauseating (I just threw up in my mouth thinking about it.)
You know, for the most part I am okay with people hitting my body. When you grow up with Indian parents it’s kind of par for the course. Plus after all the fights my big brother and I got into as kids you’d think I had a stomach for this. But the stomach is not the problem. It’s the face. The moment someone even lightly taps it, I get all Exorcist on their ass. Which I’m not sure in the ring is a good thing.
This sparring thing may prove to be a little bit more challenging than the fitness competition. At least then it was just me beating up my own body. Getting in the actual ring means someone else will take care of that for me. Sigh….what am I getting myself into.
In addition to completely demolishing my face I have decided to add one more item to the bucket list as a compliment to this newfound saying “yes” to my life.
So #32: Take On Saying “YES” To Things For The Next 40 Days.
I should probably add a parentheses to that stating “within in reason” cuz I have some messed up friends who will gladly take this on in the sickest way possible.
As long as it doesn’t involve me eating horse shit (or any kind of shit for that matter) or sleeping with you (unless of course you are Rick Fox or Ryan Reynolds) I am throwing myself out there on a 40 Day Journey of Saying Yes.
Day 1 begins tomorrow (or maybe next week). Okay, Okay, tomorrow it is.
Dear Lord what am I getting myself in to?
I’m sure there will be plenty to write about over the next 40 days. Tune in to find out.
