4 Weeks & 2 Days!

This is the stupidest thing I’ve done. Really – who gets a kick out of this kind of training? And for what? To stand up on stage in front of people who will judge you based on your body – isn’t that what we as women have fought for years to abolish? And people pay to do this shit!

Sure some are in it for the prize money and a shot at having a fitness-modeling career. And then there’s me – who decided to take this on to see if I actually had the discipline to get my body into shape and eat well.

I’ll tell you right now, I don’t. This sucks!! I am hungry all the time and getting crankier by the day! And all I keep thinking about is the copious amount of food I am going to consume on July 18th. All I know right now is it will most definitely involve wine and some form of cheese. After that, the world is my oyster. Okay maybe not oysters – they make me nauseous (which I guess defeats the whole purpose of it being an aphrodisiac seeing as I’d end up vomiting all over my date).

And my eating is going from bad to worse. You would think with only 4 weeks and 2 days left to go I’d kick it into high gear. Nope.

Had a conversation with a lovely nutritionist last Friday who told me that if my body was craving something it’s probably because it needs it. So I took that as a sign to eat ½ a container of Planters salted peanuts (for someone who has eliminated salt from their diet I’ll admit it did make me feel a little prunish after) 2 trail mix granola bars sitting in the pantry and a plate of pad thai…. I’m guessing that’s not what she meant. But damn it – I was cranky, hungry and feeling sorry for myself - so I caved.

And it didn’t stop there. I was at an event on Saturday night and doing so well when it came to the food. Stayed away from the bread, ate just the meat and veggies. But by midnight I lost all self-control and ate 9 mini biscotti dipped in chocolate mousse. I managed to convince myself that I was actually being good by not eating the whole bowl of chocolate mousse. Never mind that I triple dipped each biscotti in it with each bite…. Sigh, 4 more weeks is what I keep telling myself – 4 more weeks.

As mentioned in my last blog, I also signed up to play beach volleyball this summer (a sport that looked more glamorous on TV than it actually is). And being the keener that I am, I registered for 3 beach volleyball clinics thinking they’d make me a pro before my first game – or at least look like less of an ass on the court.

Had someone told me ahead of time how dirty you actually get playing the sport - and that it’s virtually impossible to get that darned sand out of your toenails – I might have rethought this goal (remember my whole OCD situation). But like the fitness competition – I paid for it so I am committed till the end of the summer. For those looking for some entertainment this summer, stop by the Docks - I’ll be the one aimlessly running around the beach with a big tub of wet wipes, hand sanitizer and sand socks.

Now I am sure some of you are thinking “Come on Numa, you must have learned something from the clinics”. You’re right, I have. That it’s really hard to teach someone who has spent the majority of their life with poor hand-eye coordination to actually get it. Man do I suck! Thankfully I found the only other person in the entire clinic who was actually just as bad as I was and partnered up with them. It’s amazing what playing with someone who stinks will do for your ego. 2 clinics later and I still have damn sand in my toes! Any suggestions?

As far as coming up with more on the list of 40 things before 40 – I’ve hit a wall. This training is not only killing my body (really, who does this for fun??) it’s sapping my creativity. So I am reaching out to you folks for some suggestions. I’m open to it all (except oysters – do we really need to go there again).

So send me your suggestions, creativity is a plus – and stay tuned to see if yours makes the list.

Back to fantasizing about my July 18th feast. Maybe I’ll hold a viewing party of my gluttony in action.