Okay, I know I’ve been away for a while and instead of making excuses - I’ll just fess up and admit it: I was afraid to write any new posts cuz I haven’t done anything since the last blog.
I’ve been suffering from the “I Have My Head So Far Up My Ass Syndrome”. Any other takers?
Sure, the past few months have been busy - I moved to LA only to move back to Toronto for work - and sure I’ve been consumed with shooting and rehearsing (I'm knee deep in rehearsals for a show called “War Horse” http://www.mirvish.com/shows/warhorse), and blah blah blah. But the truth is, I didn’t want to look like an asshole for not sticking through with my bucket list (those new to this blog can scroll down to the bottom to see where I was going with this). It seems like the closer I get to the deadline the more frozen I get in my tracks.
So instead of just avoiding writing, (and many thanks to my friend Dharini for cyber kicking me in the ass) I thought it best to at least come clean and let you know I’ve scratched NOTHING new off the list. I might as well change the name of the blog from “My 40 Things Before 40” to “Why I Procrastinate So Much and Will Never Get Through This List”.
So as embarrassing as it is, I’ve decided to recap the original list (with my new comments in blue) of 33 things (see I can’t even commit to coming up with a list of 40!). The ones that have I’ve actually accomplished are crossed off (prepare yourself to not be blown away):
3. Compete in a fitness competition – so I can actually look good wearing those short white skirts. See blog entry September 2010 for proof…and fond memories.10. Play a team sport…if you know me; you know I have absolutely NO hand eye coordination…or depth perception for that matter…guess that makes learning tennis tricky too. I never said I had to be any good at it, just play the damn thing….I think I still have sand stuck in my toe nails from that summer doing beach volleyball.13. Write a blog (OMG!! I’m doing that as we speak. Check one off the list). That was a freebie!24. Write a short story or a short film (I never said a “good” short story or script – just writing the freaking thing). After my Creative Writing Memoirs class where it was just me and a room full of seniors (the average age was no younger than 70) I submitted a short story to the Toronto Star writing contest last June…I’m guessing they’ve chosen the winner by now.29. Try to get a 20 year old to hit on me (that came courtesy of Karitsa). – Though if I am trying to do it, does it really count? And at what point does one become a cougar? Technically I think he was 18. And in my defense I did nothing but buy a bottle of wine at Trader Joe’s in LA and he asked for my ID. After figuring out where the actual d.o.b is on an Ontario license he then looked up and said, “Wow, you look really good!” To which I said, “Ya, well, you haven’t seen me first thing in the morning.” To which he then replied, “Is that an invitation?” It may not have been a complete pick up but at this point I’ll take what I can get.
1. Travel to Mauritius (Ok, I’ll be the first to say it here…this one may not happen in time, but really, is “when” an important question to ask here?)
2. Learn to play tennis so I can hold my own with those people who actually play in the summer time and look all cute in those short white skirts…I hate those bitches! (FYI I still hate those bitches and No, I haven’t learned the sport)
4. Audition for "So You Think You Can Dance" as the oldest contestant ever on the show…I plan to be the Cloris Leachman of the series. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking when I wrote that one. Can I buy me some time on this?
5. Learn to Dance (would help with achieving number 4). So I am in the middle of rehearsals for “War Horse” and the adorable blonde haired girl who plays my daughter (hey, if they can have a brown girl – me -play a French Farmer in the middle of World War 1, I can have a white blonde haired daughter) has been giving me tap lessons back stage – partially cuz she’s probably bored out of her mind hanging with a bunch of adults who are recreating the trauma of the Great War….so technically I am Learning to Dance!
6. Re-learn to knit…yes it is possible to unlearn something as quickly as you learnt it. I did once knit a scarf... that gradually grew into an afghan. I think I still have the needles deep in the trenches of my closet. My77 year old Grandmother in law (who is losing a bit of her memory) can still knit the shit out of anything…I really have no excuse for this one other than shear laziness.
7. Go visit my sponsor child in Senegal. Believe it or not I actually thought she lived in Rwanda up till now, when I just got up from my computer to look at the World Vision card…and you wonder why I haven’t had kids yet. I actually forgot I had a sponsor daughter till I just read over this bucket list.
8. Run a marathon (hey anything to make my legs look good in those tennis skirts). I ran 2 halves – at this point I am making the executive decision and saying that my 2 halves make a whole – so CHECK!
9. Have a fundraiser for Apne Ap - an organization in Bombay that helps children of prostitutes living in brothels by providing them with education and tools to help end the intergenerational cycle of prostitution. (The one thing I am not doing for myself…See – I’m not so me centered). Does the actual charity organization matter? I did volunteer my time in co-running a 6-week youth arts mentorship for at-risk youth this past May and June so that kinda counts.
11. Spend a few months in another country learning their language and cuisine…I know – Me cook? And in another language at that? Miracles can happen kids. Does LA count? The US is another country - and I did learn the art of making some mean Kale Chips.
12. Take a photography class so I can actually document this insane journey I’m doing. Ya, I got nothing for this one.
14. Perform stand up somewhere…remote…probably in Senegal while visiting my sponsor daughter where no one knows me (so when I bomb it won’t feel like a total embarrassment). Did that twice (The Comedy Bar Senegal ain’t, but it was a hell of a lot closer to home…and with cheap drinks…which may be why people were so willing to laugh thanks to the copious consumption of cheap booze)
15. Dance in a Burlesque Show. Can you do Burlesque in a full snow suit? Ya, might have to re-think this one.
16. Sing back up on stage in someone’s rock band….I say rock band cuz hopefully the percussion and electric guitar will be loud enough to drown out my shitty vocals (did I mention I can’t sing?) So it turns out in “War Horse” we actually have to sing songs on stage (no one mentioned that at the auditions). Rock band it is not, but hey, there ain’t nothing like an ole Devonshire Folk Song from 1914 to get you tapping those feet. Technically me thinks this qualify as singing on stage.
17. Take a pottery class - I’ve always wanted to recreate that scene from the movie “Ghost”, but the only way I’d be able to drag my husband to a class where there was mud and molding would be if it came with ring and women in bikinis wrestling in it. So solo it will be. Does Play Dough count? Got some of that over Christmas.
18. Bungee jump – something about being thrown off a bridge with nothing but an elastic band holding you by the feet is a bit titillating…or stupid. But hey you only live once – and if things go wrong at least I went out on a bang….or in this case a bounce. Now may not be the best time to attempt this being that it’s officially “freezing my ass” degrees outside in Toronto.
19. Get my motorcycle license – cuz deep down inside I secretly want to be a Bad Ass Biker Mama. This one I may officially attempt in the spring when I get my days back to myself…but don’t hold your breath.
20. Learn to ride a bicycle again. You know that whole saying, it’s like riding a bike, you never forget. Guess who did? Plus I figured it’s probably a good idea to be able to balance a 10 speed before I tackle balancing a motorcycle. Does a spin class count? In that case, Check Away!
21. Get a tattoo – part of the whole “Bad Ass Biker Mama” fantasy. This may take a while…I have a low pain threshold and apparently these things hurt like hell. Mama’s gotta build up for that one.
22. Play a song on the guitar – Remember what it was like to sit around a campfire with all the cool kids from high school and watch the popular boy serenade you on his guitar? Ya, me neither. But shit, at this point I am struggling to find things to add to my list - so play a song on the guitar it is. Once I master #23 I can tackle #22….and by “song” I’m allowing myself some artistic license here…shoot, if I can manage to get through “Mary Had A Little Lamb” on the instrument, I consider this complete. I’m not aiming high anymore kids, just aiming to complete.
23. Learn to play the guitar – would help with # 22.
25. Roam around the city for a day with my camera and take as many random pictures as I can. I’m more of a capture-everyday-people kind of photographer…so depending on what neighborhoods I roam in, I may end up with a few bruises…or in the river with bricks tied to my feet. But hey, nothing ventured nothing gained. See #12
26. Try to get “My 40 Things Before 40” published somewhere – I’m not picky. Hell, even the back of a bathroom stall is fine with me. Think of it as my contribution to your potty time. Anyone got leads - Mama's got the goods. Technically I do have written work out there in the web world (by that really I mean just this blog)…hey, man, I’m stretching here.
27. Somehow get my way on to a float for the Pride Parade (thanks Kathy for that one). Plus with my morning transvestite voice I got going on I should be a shoe in. Those of you with Pride connections - holler back. That ship sailed by last year and Mama forgot to ride.
28. Participate in a Flash Mob – They look so cool and end up with a ridiculous amount of hits on the web. Who knows, maybe that’ll be my ticket to fame. Hey anyone with a mass group of friends want to meet me somewhere and do something that will be filmed and put up sometime on the web?
30. Jump out of a plane – I actually already did but it was static line (where the chute automatically opens for you). According to hard-core divers that is the pussy way to jump. So tandem it will be. Once again I got nothing here…except just me being a lazy ass.
31. Work on an Ed Burns Film – This may be a little trickier to do - but hey, I’m not beyond stalking. And Ed, if you happen to be reading this blog – Mama’s got some ideas for your next film. So I had good intentions when I was writing this, even set up a google alert for any Ed Burns news. Kept saying I’d try to follow him on Twitter – till it meant I had to actually get a Twitter account and….well we all know where this story is going.
32. Get inside a boxing ring and actually spar. Until it becomes regulation to wear hockey masks with cages in the ring this one may take some time (please, Mama paid too much for this nose!) But I have made some forward movement. Knowing that it would take eons for me to do this on my own I have started developing a feature film about female boxers called “Pinweight” (http://pinweight.com/) which got 2nd place at “TIFF’s Pitch This” in September. Unless I actually write a character for myself who has to box, this lady may never get in the ring and do it on her own. So to the movies it will be!
33. Take on a 40 Day Challenge of Saying “Yes” To Things. Remember the Chicken Coop? Here’s the video proof to remind you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OAmyZQhJTQ Need I say more?
Though I may be shooting myself in the foot by doing this, I am going to add a couple more things to this list. So without further adieu:
34. Get a Twitter Account – ya I know, it took me forever just to switch from my ghetto cell phone to an iphone (I still don’t have a data plan so don’t think you can get a hold of me that quickly) but all the kids these days are doing it and I’ll make any attempt to still try to stay cool….not that I ever really was when I was a kid.
35. Do a Cleanse - I write this as I am wolfing down a piece of strawberry rhubarb pie and ice cream….hey at least there’s a vegetable in that. I thought I might take on the Inanity DVD 60 Day Challenge – for those who have no idea what I’m talking about you can get a glimpse inside with this promo for the workout: (http://www.beachbody.com/product/fitness_programs/insanity). But that shit lives up to it’s name! I attempted 4 days of sweating with Sean T (sadly not the kinda sweating I’d like to do with him). After 4 days of hearing me grunt, yell and swear at the TV I think my husband had enough (case and point this short video he took of me while trying to work out in my living room):
Learning from past experience, I ain’t gonna make any empty promises of writing daily on this blog cuz, well, clearly we all know what happened to that. But thanks to my friends for pushing me to get it back up and running.
The count down begins!
Happy New Year!
PS. Though this too took me eons to do, I now officially have a website. You can check it out at: ( http://www.rahnuma.ca/ )
Melanie here! I enjoyed this piece, please email me--I have a question about your blog. MelanieLBowen[at]gmail[dot]com
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